Improving Mother-Daughter
Relationships Highlights Talk
By Terry Castellano
Weston Forum -- May 2002

How a mother sees herself has much to do with her daughter’s self-perceptions, says Jacqueline Lapa Sussman, a psychotherapist and Weston resident.

By using eidetic imagery, which is the recalling of stored experiences, Ms. Sussman led an audience of more than 50 mothers and one father through exercises that she believes will bring mothers in closer touch with their true selves and, therefore, help them communicate better with their daughters.

According to Ms. Sussman, mothers are the keys to their daughters’ identity. The presentation on mother-daughter relationships and self-image, held last Thursday night, was sponsored by ADAP.

“We all have an inner fullness, which radiates from the inside out,” said Ms. Sussman. “We need to connect to that inner fullness and help our daughters focus on their inner essence.”

Ms. Sussman went on to say that no time in history has culture ‘hypnotized’ people to the extent it does now. “Our daughters are picking up on today’s images of youth and beauty,” she added.

The first exercise with audience participation called for everyone to close their eyes and see themselves as in a mirror.

“The eidetic image is a bright, lively picture seen in the mind much like a movie image or a film strip, which reproduces important life events with exact detail," Ms. Sussman said during a post-presentation exchange.

Ms. Sussman then asked what each person saw; what their feelings were; whether they felt good about themselves; and whether they saw themselves as fulfilled. These were self-reflective questions. No one was asked to share responses aloud, unless they felt comfortable doing so.

"It is your attitude toward yourself,” Ms. Sussman said, "that you will pass on to your daughter."

The correlation between self-image and physical health was also presented. Ms. Sussman cited studies showing how symptoms of pre-menstrual syndrome (PMS) and menopause were adversely affected by negative self-images.

According to Ms. Sussman, the onset of puberty is a particularly critical time to focus on communication and sensitivity as it relates to mother-daughter relationships and self-image.

"This is when your daughter begins to see herself as a woman," said Ms. Sussman.

A mother needs to impart her values without telling her daughter what to do, according to Ms. Sussman.

Seeing one's daughter as a stranger and truly listening to her perceptions will help mothers understand their daughters as individuals. Treating them with respect creates healthy person," said Ms. Sussman.

Ms. Sussman is the author of Images of Desire and an upcoming book, Images of success. A practicing psychotherapist specializing in eidetic imagery, Ms. Sussman maintains practices in Weston and Manhattan.