Dear Bonnie
By Bonnie Adler
Westport Minuteman -- March 2003

Dear Bonnie,
My 6-year-old son, on a periodic basis, tells me how scared
he is of dying. He brings up his recollection of the 9/11 events, either heard through school or somehow seen on television.

Since we travel often, he is most anxious before we fly. Although he seems comforted after we speak to him, he must still be anxious as he brings up these questions again and again. What should we tell him?

Signed,
Fearful of flying

Dear Fearful,
Your question was one that has come up in many households, and with the world in such an unstable place, I thought it was a particularly relevant one. I took it to an expert I trust — a therapist in Weston named Jaqueline Sussman, who uses the power of healing imagery in all her work with clients. Here is what she said.

Six-year-old children have imaginations which are alive, large and full of vivid pictures accompanied by huge feelings. A sensitive child will carry scary images in his mind. Sounds like this little boy has taken in the news of 9/1 1 deeply, and it lives on in his mind obsessionally.

At 6, his rational mind has not developed fully, nor has he gained a lot of life experience to put into perspective the singularity of the 9/11 events. It has become a large pervasive imprint that he cannot overcome, which if not attended grows in the mind.

His parents should allow him to talk about the events fully and find out exactly what is scaring him, gently asking questions so that all of the fear that he carries inside of him is brought out. This is done without trying to “fix” it or make it better. This is to find out exactly what he is seeing and replaying in his mind that’s really scaring him. He will be seeing a visual image in his mind as he is talking, such as seeing airplanes hitting buildings. He probably projects seeing himself on a plane hitting a building. Whatever it is, it needs to be brought out fully.

Once the exact image of his fear is drawn out, it can be replaced with other safe ones. For example, this is only one plane of millions. Have him see in his mind many airplanes all over the world flying all over the skies every day.

Once he sees this, have him see the airplanes landing safely. Emphasize the safe landing. Make him see the safe landing images of the many planes over and over until you sense relief in him and this image takes over the fearful one.

This is just one example of how to do this. Once one knows what the problem is, the solution is easier to find. There are many other safe images for him to see which will dispell the one of the 9/11 incident. The point is to discover what is causing the acute distress and finding a picture of safety which will genuinely relax and comfort him. Then the image of safety needs to be repeated over and over until the negative picture is dispelled.

Obsession is being stack on one negative image that a person plays over and over in his or her mind. These tend to grow if unattended. Just speaking to the child usually does not comfort him as the image has a power of its own and continues on.

Also, the parents should not let him watch news or movies that are frightening, and they should be very careful how they speak about world events around him.